(Most of the humour collected here is in the public domain, unless otherwise specified.)
- You can achieve a “runners high” by sitting up.
- The sun is too loud.
- You are missing several days from this week.
- Trees begin to chase you.
- You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
- You wonder if brewing is *really* a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you’ve said it before.
- You can hear mimes.
- Things become “very clear”. Everything is “very clear, indeed”.
- You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
- Your heart beats in 7/8 time.
- You and reality file for divorce.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you’ve said it before.
- It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
- You can travel without moving.
- Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
- You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
- You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty tiff over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the next day.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realising that you’ve said it before.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realising that you’ve said it before.