New stuff

Yesterday I attended my second meeting of the local writers’ group in town. I wrote something for the meeting, as well as a shorter piece during the evening (they call it a “prompt” where everyone writes for ten minutes from the same prompt, or opening line).

Both of these pieces are available on my Original Writing page. “The Kid” was the prepared piece.

Ten years on

On 20 February 2012, just over a month from now, my blog will turn ten years old. This site, such as it is, won’t be as old, but I’ll have had a website for 16-and-a-half years. Last year I began writing a very long piece about how I’d been online for fifteen years and what it means to me, but I never finished it. Perhaps in four years from now …

Puns for Educated Minds

(Via Yolande)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass’.

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive’.

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Increasing SQL Server Error Logs

Via Tim Radney, here’s a quick and easy way to increase the number of error logs from the default of six.

His blog has a walkthrough in SQL Server Management Studio if you prefer the GUI.

[Note: If you copy and paste this code, please be sure to check the quotation marks. WordPress may change them to non-standard format.]

Using TSQL you can execute the following statement to increase to 99 files, simply change 99 to how ever many files you would like to retain.

USE [master];

EXEC xp_instance_regwrite N’HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE’, N’Software\Microsoft\MSSQLServer\MSSQLServer’, N’NumErrorLogs’, REG_DWORD, 99;