Holiday tomorrow!

It’s the 12-year anniversary of South Africa’s first fully democratic elections tomorrow, and it’s called Freedom Day. There is a witty advert on television at the moment celebrating “free” things, ending off with “free [three] guys” and “freedge”.

Anyway, it’s a holiday, so I won’t be in the office. Yay! Speaking of work, I was having a discussion with my boss about the project I’m working on, and mentioned that I’d like to get more into software architecture (my job description is Software Engineer), so he’s going to send me information about that. I’m very happy.

See you all on Friday!

I Love You Marinus!

Tom Cruise = Dumb Ass

I’ve decided to change my name for idiots from dumbass to tomcruise. Why? Well, they sound the same (tenuous, I know), and Tom Cruise has pretty much summed up in the last year or so the epitome of a dumbass.

So, henceforth I shall replace all references to “dumbass” with “tomcruise”.

And for the last time, what kind of a stupid name is “Tom Cruise” anyway?

Gunmen attack school

Parktown Boys’ High School in Johannesburg is where I matriculated from, some time last century. Yesterday, gunmen hopped over a perimeter fence (which was part of an almost half-million investment in security), stormed a Grade 11 classroom, and made off with 12 cellphones, 5 watches and cash.

This is shocking. I was wondering just this weekend about perhaps teaching there one day when I’m qualified.

Read the article on News24.com.

This happens often enough to invent an acronym about it

<Steven> i wrote a mysql goodie to log irc to mysql
<Randolph> um why?
<Randolph> whatever happened to tar.gz?
<Steven> yeah … last i checked it was on 23million records
<Steven> i was bored
<Randolph> good lord
<Steven> yeah
<Steven> and i think it bombed out with the load and didnt write properly
<Randolph> so what did you learn from this

(new acronym! SWDYLFT)

<Randolph> what are you doing about your server?
<Steven> just loading grub again and its done
<Randolph> gawd – did you format?
<Steven> only the one part
<Randolph> unbelievable
<Steven> i remembered after that how to fix superblocks
<Steven> 🙂
<Randolph> I’m adding that to my list of acronyms

(new acronym! (S)DYFYHDA – see previous post)

IJWBTW

Scott Adams is famous for creating acronyms that represent an idea. For example, YSLE is appended to a rant when you want to say “You Stupid Lemon Eater!”, and BOCTAOE (“But Of Course There Are Obvious Exceptions”) which stands as a really simple disclaimer.

I’ve decided that my first attempt at this trend is (B)IJWBTW, for “(Because) It Just Works Better That Way” for when I’m offering sage technological advice.

*wink @ Steven*

Some more acronyms (if they don’t exist already, I’m claiming copyright):

YST – You Stupid Twat
YSB – You Silly Bitch
ASP – Alanis (Morissette) Sucks Piles
IAAHEYB – I Am A Hamster Eating Your Brain
FLABSLABKLAMHLAH – Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, kick like a mule, hung like a horse
SWDYLFT – So What Did You Learn From This?
(S)DYFYHDA – (Steven,) Did You Format Your Hard Drive Again?
IIPIASO – Is It Plugged In And Switched On?
GFYH – Go F*ck Your Hand (which I’ve since added to Urban Dictionary)

You are my sunshine

There’s something really funny about this:

I’m working as a longterm freelance designer at a small Graphic Design company. The cube I’m assigned to is between two people who love music. On the right is a guy who’s totally into 80’s headbanging music which he cranks up to cover the roaring duct work running over our heads. On the left is a woman who loves showtunes. She sings along with them, out loud, but somehow always manages to be about two or three beats behind the actual music and off key. To top it off she has a collection of motion activated toys that play music when you walk by. For some reason everyone else in the company thinks these are wonderfully funny so I have a constant flow of people coming over saying “Oh, this is great!” while watching a plastic flower dance and sing You Are My Sunshine. I’m in hell.

(Source: No longer available on the Internet. Contact me if you can find it.)

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, kick like a mule, hung like a horse

My policy on alcohol hasn’t changed much since the near-fatal “pizza” incident a while back (yes, I’m still blaming the food).

I think since then I’ve had 1/2 of a Smirnoff Spin. The reason I only had the half, is because I split it with M at his parents’ for lunch a weekend or so ago.

I’m rambling, I know, but I have a show-early to do soon and I’m nervous. I hate PowerPoint.

Microsoft didn’t listen to me, and now look where it got them

The landmark ruling where the EU fined Microsoft €497 million in 2004 is back in the headlines, and Microsoft stands to face another onslaught of investigation into their business practices.

In March 2004, I wrote an article outlining what Microsoft should do to solve the problem, and they just didn’t listen to me. Now they might have to pay 2 million euros PER DAY in fines, backdated to the end of 2004. Ouch!

To summarise, I said they should take the interest they earn on their bank balance for one year and just pay the EU from that. It doesn’t affect their balance sheet. It doesn’t affect their shareholders. It doesn’t affect their stock price.

This could have been resolved a year ago already. Come on Microsoft! I’m rooting for you guys – I want to see how similar Vista is to Mac OS X.

As I mentioned in my article, I will take a 5% consulting fee. You can contact me directly for my banking details.